13 Reasons Why Republicans Still Don’t Have Anyone to Vote For

As of earlier today, there are thirteen Republican presidential candidates. One would think that with this many possibilities, surely we could find one worthy of our vote. Alas, it doesn’t appear to be so.

Each of these candidates has positive attributes; however, they also all have negative points. It is nearly impossible to find one whose positives outweigh their negatives. We may, once again, be stuck with voting for the lesser of the evils on the ballot.

In an effort to provide a service to the public, here is a list of what is wrong with each Republican candidate (in no certain order):

  1. Jeb! – In addition to having a stupid logo, Bush is pro-amnesty, pro-Common Core, and pro-let’s-put-another-Bush-in-the-White-House-so-we-can-carry-on-the-family-legacy-and-take-control-of-the-world. Bush easily qualifies as the worst public speaker I’ve ever heard. At an event earlier this year, his speech sounded like a 4th grade book report. “I read The Constitution. It was good.” Maybe if he said it in Spanish?
  2. Ted Cruz – I like Cruz, well, mostly. That is, I liked him until I heard him speak recently. He was addressing the NRA convention held last month in Nashville and sounded as if he had completely memorized his speech. Not only did he memorize the words to say, he memorized the pauses, too. It was comical to hear how the audience responded to this. Ted says something only moderately worthy of applause. Pause….wait….Audience finally figures out that they were supposed to applaud and begin, if somewhat reluctantly since they can’t remember exactly what he said. I’ve heard he has a photographic memory. Perhaps that’s not always beneficial.
  3. Rand Paul –While he opposes abortion, he is for decriminalizing all drugs, not just marijuana, and he is in favor of gay marriage. While candidates would do well to drop all talking points related to social issues (except for their abortion/pro-life stance) and stick to their constitutional obligations, social issues seem to be all Rand Paul is about. National security anyone?
  4. Marco Rubio – So much potential, so little chance. Rubio has worked hard to appeal to middle class voters, all while developing a tax plan that would bankrupt the average household and increase the national debt by a couple trillion dollars.
  5. Ben Carson – Who knows what will happen after Dr. Ben has everyone vaccinated? He has no voting record or track record of any kind other than being a great surgeon! He also THINKS that there is a higher power. I guess that means he’s not sure? Just don’t even think about this one.
  6. Carly Fiorina – Running based on a strong business background is a good idea….if you have one. Fiorina has been dubbed as the “anti-Steve Jobs” since she ran Hewlett Packard into the ground, cutting the company’s stock value by 50%. Now, if she could do that to the national debt….
  7. Mike Huckabee – “I’m tired of doing a weekly TV show” is not a good reason to run for president. In December of 2006, Huckabee stated, “… the nation is being given a chance to make up for past racism by the way it handles the influx of Hispanics.” When your position on illegal immigration is as bad as this, you really should keep your day job.
  8. Rick Santorum – I like Rick Santorum. However, he needs to learn when to speak and when to shut up. Keeping his mouth closed on gay marriage and transgender celebrities would be a good start. He really is quite learned on the issue of Radical Islam, and, again, should really stick to the presidential job description talking points.
  9. George Pataki- Who?
  10. Lindsey Graham – It’s good to know the senator is now more than 91% sure and has decided to run. Is it really possible to be 91% sure of something, like running for the presidency? Mostly, though, he doesn’t have enough name recognition to cross the finish line. He does, however, have an attitude.
  11. Rick Perry – One of two candidates who is a military veteran (Graham is the other), he has some great credentials, except when he does stupid stuff. Think back a few years when China was looking for an easier way to ship their cheap goods to the center of the country. An idea was hatched to build a superhighway, the Trans-Texas Corridor, between Mexican ports, up into Texas, and on to the center of our nation. The purpose was to minimize the amount of time it took for supplies and man power to get to the center of the country. China would control the tolls on the road and would have access to the energy supply in the area. And Perry was all for it. That is all.
  12. Donald Trump – Trump doesn’t play well with others, especially those in the sand box. He will carpet bomb the Middle East. You can’t do this. While millions of Muslims do indeed hate us and everything we stand for, there are still some things in the area that we need to protect.  Israel would be one of them.
  13. Bobby Jindal – The most recent candidate to enter the race, Jindal appears to be a shooting star. However, one look at Louisiana’s bank book may change your mind. When first elected, Jindal inherited a $900 million surplus. The most recent report I’ve seen says that LA now has a $1.6 billion deficit. Then there’s that pesky statement in Article II of the Constitution about being a natural born citizen (Jindal is the son of Indian immigrants). I don’t know that these two obstacles can be overcome.

Scott Walker, Chris Christie, and John Kasich are all still in the ‘Maybe’ stack. Maybe we’ll get lucky with one of them. In the end, though, Jesus Christ is not on the ballot, and a bad Republican will be far better than any of the Democrats.

~Temerity Dowell

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